Change in humanity??

Long long ago, when I was in school, Rs.5 was my pocket money per month.
I was very cautious about my money and spent it very purposefully.  My purchases included chocolates, ice creams, eraser (rubber), bubble gums, pea-nuts, lolly-pops, peechu-mithai etc.


One fine day, on my way back to home with Rs.1 still left for the month, i thought i will have an ice-cream.
So steered myself towards the ice-cream vendor.  I took my favourite mango flavour for 25 paisa and was smacking and was having fun for each bite.  I finished the ice-cream and then started back towards my home.


Just then, i saw a old couple sitting besides the road begging for money.  I stood near them and thought i should help them with some money.  Immediately, the little financier in me popped up and began calculating  the no.of days left Vs  money unexpended.  After a moment, he presented me the statistics which detailed the no.of ice-creams, chocolates, bubble gums i will have to miss.


After looking the stats, the little-kind boy in me almost disappeared and i continued going back to home.
When i was straightly opposite to them while walking, i turned my head and looked at them for one last time.
The wan look on their face instantly melted my heart.  Thus began the battle; between the kind-hearted and the financier.  After a lot of struggle, the settlement was done for 50ps.  The kind-hearted happily presented them the money and carried on with utmost satisfaction.

If i bring the percentage factor 50ps of Rs.5 is 10%.  So, i have donated 10% of my monthly pocket money.

Having tasted happiness, joy and satisfaction in helping, i always continued it.  I did this in my 12th, in my graduation whenever i could, but never less than 10% of my monthly pin-money.  I was as well dreaming of starting a school for the homeless orphan children.

This is all which has happened.

You cant even imagine how fast you grow and how quick you turn old.  I am no exception.
Things moved with rapid pace and i got busy with my job over week days and with friends/relatives over the week ends...  spl mention abt my girl friends and parties whose list kept on growing along with my pay....
I was deriving the uttermost fun in every penny i spent for boozing, smoking, movies, shopping, pubs, bike, mobiles, car... what not everything...


Naturally, this life-style has ricked of-course my fiscal status, which in turn lead me to debts.  To be out of this state, i had to opt for a personal loan though quite high on interest.
Having learnt a great lesson, i was damn busy saving money and counted each penny i spent from now on.
Huh...!! After about a year of stern savings, i got rid of all my outstanding liabilities.  This was possible only coz of very a disciplined life-style.
My immediate step was to purchase a house/flat.  And another 2 years of wielded life i became a proud owner of a flat.
Now, today i am left with only house and car loan and remaining amount i pay for my insurance, ulips and a part saving for my future.

Now my friends, colleagues, relatives call me as 'well settled' and a happy man...
THUS I AM A HAPPY HAPPY MAN.....

But what happened to the dream of starting a school for the homeless orphan children??
Why did i give up contributing to to the needy?
am i really happy?  am i genuinely satisfied?  Am i still deriving the joy of life?
where is the benignity?  why did it disappear? where has it gone?
Why did i blank out the happiness, joy and satisfaction?
why is this change in ME?
why is this change in ME?
why is this change in ME?
why is this change in YOU?

my maiden love letter

My first love letter for my first love.....!!!

The very first time i saw you and when the rhythm of my heart sled down,

i said to myself....

this is not love....!!

when enquired about you, when you spoke so kindly and responded positively,

i once again said to myself

this is not love... this is not love....!!

later on,
when you became my closet friend caring, supporting, guiding and backing for anything and everything

i still said 

this is not love... this is not love....!!

but now, 

when my eyes are full of tears....
while you are departing from me for ever... 

how can i say this is NOT love..... ???